As Parents we all want our kids to
develop into active, well organized, contributing individuals. But our
expectations alone don’t suffice. It is our primary duty to inculcate good
habits in our kids, while they are still young. This is easier said than done.
Our children make us angry by their pranks, they make mistakes, they get lazy,
and they indulge in silly and thoughtless activities. And what do we do? We
adults react without thinking, we shout at them and often strike them; exhibiting the very behavior we’re trying to
discourage. Being a doctor, I’m supposed to know how to handle people, but
when it comes to controlling my exuberant little ones, even I lose control
sometimes. But I always feel terrible about it later.
We need
to discipline our children and that too without losing temper. We need to
exhibit our calm, adult dignity while handling the little brats, but
how? This question led me to
research about successful parents, who have raised, happy, well adjusted
children. I found a number of techniques suggested by behavioral scientists
that are aimed at teaching appropriate behavior to young ones. I’ve already
started implementing these, and would suggest you to do the same, if you want
peace and harmony in your household.
Remember
these techniques require you to act as a role model, and that means gaining
control over your temper first. So, next time you feel the steam rising, try
these tips:
1. Reorganize- Yes,
reorganize your own work-schedule to decrease your stress levels. I
realized that the days I was stressed due to hectic schedule or overwork were
the days I had lost control of myself and hit my child for silly, harmless
pranks. Re-organizing my day did wonders for me, I found more time for myself
and for my family, strengthening my bond with my kids (Hmm-mm I should have
talked about time-management first, but now that I have done so much of this
darn typing, I won’t change the topic for this post..^_-).
2.
Make simple changes in the Environment- Many behavioral problems don’t require
shouting matches or discussions, making simple changes will solve the problem
immediately. For e.g. a neighbor of mine reprimands her 2 year old daily
whenever he reaches for the DVD player, yet putting it on a tall cabinet or
shelf will solve the problem immediately. In my house all my medicines (that I
keep for dispensing), my medical books, stethoscope et al are kept in a locked
cabinet, so that my 3 year old cannot reach them. Similarly, “Keep away from that
door!” may be avoided by adding an inexpensive hook-lock; “Don’t watch
television while having dinner!” (Why not switch off the television at
dinnertime?); “How many times have I told you not to have sweets before
dinner!” (Why not hide the snacks?). Get the picture? Make a note every time you catch
yourself reprimanding your child. Later, contemplate whether you can resolve
recurring problems with simple changes in the environment.
3.
Let your child take charge-
Now this step comes under “Self-Management” tricks taught to management
trainees. Use them on your child. Perhaps your son forgets to arrange his
school-bag for next day and frequent reminders only result in arguments.
Instead of reminding your child to pack his bag, teach him that he can remind himself
of what he’s supposed to do by writing his own notes. Tell him you are teaching
him “Organizational Skills”. Teach him to keep a tab on his progress as well.
Most children feel great to see the progress they are making, they feel in
charge!
4.
Rehearse- This and the next two tips are suggested by Robert Epstein, an eminent child psychologist. Help
your child deal with difficult situations by rehearsing with them. For e.g. try
role-playing situations with them. For instance, if your child is
having problem dealing with a teacher at school, you may play the role of your
child and let him enact the role of his teacher and try acting out different
situations. He’ll learn how to handle a situation differently, and you’ll be
reminded that it’s not easy being a kid!
5. Reprimand if needed but gently- Psychologists use a
technique called “Manual Guidance” to assist changes in behavior. Take this
example, if your daughter is taking too long to comb her hair when you are in a
rush, instead of yelling at her, gently hold
her by shoulders and tell her lovingly that you’re getting late and she can
finish combing in the car, then gently guide
her away from the mirror. Remember,
gentleness is the key here.
6. Use Proper Signals- This technique is technically known as
“Discrimination
Training”. For instance you don’t want children bursting into your
bedroom or changing room every time, sometimes it’s okay if they barge in but
at other times it may be the worst thing in the world. Use proper signs in such
cases. You may use a poster at your bedroom door, tell them it’s okay if the
poster shows a big green “GO”, but if the
poster shows a big red “STOP”, then they must
knock before entering.
7.
Strike a Deal- This
one’s the favorite of my son. We strike a “deal” before his exams. I pay him a
certain amount if he scores well, for each subject. Obviously this acts as a
motivational factor for him to study harder to earn more, much more effective
than giving frequent reminders which he desists. Here’s another one, we make a
“contract”; on a piece of paper we jot down the chore which he is supposed to
do, like, resetting his wardrobe or book shelf, and what I am supposed to do in
return, like, he can watch his favorite cartoon show for extra 2 hours on
weekend/ promise to take him to the mall on weekend; then the “contract” is duly
signed by both of us and stuck on the refrigerator door. Always set a time
limit on such contracts though. You can always renew the contract and work it
out your way.
8.
Be a Role-Model- This is
the most powerful of all the techniques. Your children learn a lot by
watching you. Your kids will imitate you sooner or later, if you shout to get
your way, your children will do the same. If you watch sitcoms instead of doing
your household chores, your child is likely to put off his school assignment to
watch his favorite cartoon show. So, set a positive example. Read, if you want
your child to imbibe a reading habit. If you want your children to apologize to
you, then apologize to them whenever you make a mistake.
9.
Don’t Respond to Tantrums and
Irrational Behavior- Remember, whenever your child shows temper
tantrums, such as, foot stomping and rolling on floor, never respond. Just ignore them, look away, and avoid looking at
them. If you are at a public place, just ignore while keeping an eye on him
lest he runs away or gets hurt. But, don’t
yell or speak to your kid at that time because it will only worsen the problem.
This is the only way to make your child understand that he cannot have his
demands fulfilled by resorting to irrational behavior. Once your kid calms down
talk to him firmly yet using a gentle tone and explain to him why his demand
cannot be fulfilled. Try this for 2-3 times before you see any results. This is the therapy given to treat temper
tantrums in children and toddlers, and is proven to be highly effective.
10. Teach Deep Breathing Exercises- Teach deep breathing to your child. Diaphragmatic breathing helps your child calm down.Place one hand on chest and the other on abdomen both hands should move in and out when breathing. It has a rapid calming effect. If only the upper hand moves while breathing then it is a sign of stress.
In the end take a
few deep breaths yourself; you must control your anger first. You might forget
every sensible thing you know about parenting when you’re angry.10. Teach Deep Breathing Exercises- Teach deep breathing to your child. Diaphragmatic breathing helps your child calm down.Place one hand on chest and the other on abdomen both hands should move in and out when breathing. It has a rapid calming effect. If only the upper hand moves while breathing then it is a sign of stress.
For very fussy children who are calmed down only by carrying them, Chamomilla is a very good Homoeopathic medicine. Chamomilla 30 / 4 pills , 4 times a day for a week, should be given to treat such children. For children who are cross and whining all the time, and do not calm down even by carrying them, Cina 30 ,4 pills/ 4 times a day is the medicine of choice.
That's all for this post, will discuss tips to fight winter blues and Homoeopathic remedies for the same in my next post. Thanks for visiting my blog, I appreciate your comments and valuable feedback to my posts. You can now register your quick feedback by clicking on any of the reactions given at the end of this post. Your feedback and comments make my effort worthwhile. If you find this Blog informative and helpful then please help spreading word about this blog through networking sites. You may also recommend it to Google users by clicking on the +1 button given below. Do visit again and learn to choose well and have a smart living!!
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